It breaks my heart when parents ask me this question.

Where is my child compared to x?

As an educator, I have heard this question thousands of times, maybe tens of thousands of times!

My answer is always the same.

I do not compare children.

When I worked full time as a primary school teacher, the worst time of year for me was Assessment Week. This was always towards the end of the school year and we would all sit down in a room surrounded by our students’ books and post it notes. We would then have to group the children into abilities. We would look at how they scored in their End of year Assessments and their Assessments throughout the year and we would place them into their groups.

I remember this well as a child. Being placed in the ‘middle’ group table. It was so obvious to me. The more ‘intelligent children’ had bigger books and wrote more than me. And the ‘lower group’ had different books and they had more adults sitting with them at the table. I remember thinking, ‘I’m not smart enough’ and ‘Why is she smarter than me?’

Schools will continue to do this and I understand why they do it. I don’t like it but I understand it.

My thoughts about comparing your child to others however is this.

If you want to compare them, do it with numbers, facts and figures. Book yourself a private Assessment with a company that will give you a spreadsheet with figures. That way you can actually see how your child did and you have data to help you to support them. This is a productive way to compare your child to children in their same cohort. You don’t need to show your child, this information is for you.

What I don’t think is helpful is comparing them to other children without having any facts. Saying things like - ‘She can already blend and my child can’t’, ‘He knows his numbers to 10 and my child doesn’t’, ‘She can write her name and my child can’t even write one letter.’

It’s not helpful.

It’s detrimental to your child if they hear you say these things.

It just doesn’t lead to anything positive.

Your child is where they are. They will develop at their own rate. They are running their own race.

Set them targets and help them to set their own goals for THEMSELVES.